True Love

At work you meet all sorts of people with all sorts of stories to tell, and in Australia they especially love going for the shock factor. So you can imagine the kinds of stories I was told in an office full of mostly women who were present 8 hours a day for 9 months of my pregnancy. Some days I dreaded lunch breaks and the ladies certain to be there armed with low-fat salads and colourful insights into pregnancy, labour and motherhood in general. There were 4 of us pregnant upstairs and 3 downstairs. (I guess we took our human resources seriously).

I was lucky enough to spend my pregnant months at work sitting across from my friend Mika- a mother of 3 and originally from Japan where apparently they aren't so hell-bent on creating complete paranoia. Her stories of motherhood were so beautiful and heart-felt. She made me feel confident and secure that I could be the kind of mother I wanted to be and do whatever I needed to without fear. She spoke of her children with so much love it made me cry. One day she told me about what it was like seeing her babies for the first time, and watching them grow up and thinking no child is more beautiful than your own. And let me tell you, her kids are so dang cute! But I completely understand now because I cannot imagine a child more beautiful than Hailey. Each time I try, my love and her beauty completely surpass any ability to be described. Every day is more.

Love hurts. Today Brian and I took Hailey for a checkup and her first immunizations. I have never heard her give a cry of pain before and it broke my heart completely. I know it will protect her from things I would never want her to catch, but somehow it hurt so much knowing not only was it painful, but I allowed a little bit of something not so nice to be put inside her perfect little body. Like being a bad parent to be a good one. My little angel. She did make huge smiles at me this afternoon so maybe she's forgiven me, and I hope isn't feeling too uncomfortable from it all.